


on both my broken heart and knees

by Nyxierose



Series: (would you want me) standing in the same light [7]
Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Lucy is a MESS, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-10
Updated: 2018-06-10
Packaged: 2019-05-20 09:21:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14891924
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nyxierose/pseuds/Nyxierose
Summary: "All the times she called him a monster, she never considered a reality where she might be the darker one, yet here they are and she is adrift."Post-2x05.





	on both my broken heart and knees

**Author's Note:**

> More fun with Lucy's probable mental health issues. I'm writing from a place of experience here and um... nothing detailed or particularly self-destructive, but read with caution if that kind of content isn't good for you.
> 
> Title from "Ghost" by Ingrid Michaelson.

What had initially looked like a tiny little mistake is apparently the emotional equivalent of a nuclear disaster, and Lucy's not even sure if she's surprised.

Look, she _knows_ drunkenly screwing a coworker is a bad life choice at best, especially given her own messy relationship status with someone else (but how exactly do you tell everyone else in your life that you're at least physically involved with someone who they want to kill for fairly valid reasons?!), but Wyatt has a real gift for escalating disasters and that situation is just…

Well…

Whatever suddenly-not-dead wifey does, to _either_ idiot involved, will be completely understandable. At least, Lucy's okay with getting hit or screamed at or whatever. She deserves it.

After all of that awkwardness, curling up on the couch and staying there until the alarms go off sounds like a great idea. It'd be even better with alcohol involved, probably, but she doesn't feel like completing the cliché that thoroughly. In the past two days ish, she's managed to make her work environment _very_ awkward, cause unnecessary drama, and god only knows how well her partner is handling this.

Or, in all likelihood, _not_ handling it.

Communication is not exactly one of their strong points yet, and it's an awkward conversation at best, but from what she can tell, Flynn has decided to deal by not dealing. He sees opportunities to take care of her and he takes them, but words are very optional. Just coexistence, silent, a distance blossoming that scares her.

And speaking of the devil, there he is. She doesn't know where he got that blanket he's holding, and she's not gonna ask that question either, but good grief she can't stand this. It's been two days since they've said anything at all to each other, and even _that_ was her little attempt at making sure he wasn't bleeding. (She interpreted his creative nonverbal answer as "not anywhere that'll kill me".) It's probably nothing to worry about, but-

Still silent, he drapes the blanket over her, then sits down on the opposite end of the couch. Barely enough space for two people but somehow they don't touch. He's avoiding her, she's pretty sure, and yet he's still the only person who's figured out she's in hell and needs someone to keep an eye on her.

(The dark thing is back. She knew it'd come for her, but now is really not a good time!)

"You're mad at me too," she hisses, deciding enough is enough and she might as well burn this down too.

"I'm not mad," he counters, and it's so clearly a lie, and-

"You heard everything. I almost ruined someone else's happiness-"

"You didn't _know_ -"

"And I hurt you in the process."

He lets her have this point. Of fucking course he does. Because she _did_ , she knew there would be fallout from her choices and she made them anyways, and maybe this is the tragic ending they were destined for. Instead of dramatic, maybe they fall apart like this and are forced to play civilized for years to come and it hurts even more that way. Maybe…

"Lucy?"

"The hell do you want from me?"

"I don't want anything. Not like you think."

"Then what the fuck are you still doing here."

"You're not okay right now."

She rolls her eyes. Again, he's not _wrong_ , and she's pretty sure that getting used to admitting that he's actually got good perspective most of the time is going to be the most difficult part of this relationship thing. Assuming said relationship thing survives the next twenty minutes, which she's not betting on. She'll fuck it up, because that's her only real talent in this world, and her adolescent fear of dying alone and getting eaten by her herd of cats is probably more realistic than she knew, and-

"I'm here. If you need anything."

"Why?" She's confused now, more than anything. If anyone in the world has the right to hate her for her recent wrecking-ball approach to human interaction, it's this man right here. Instead, he somehow found her a blanket that's much squishier than anything that seems to have originated in the bunker and he's offering to listen and… shit, she's lucky. She can't lose this. She won't get this kind of chance again. She can't-

"You're so strong. I've seen it on both sides, how stubborn you are for the people you love. And you haven't let yourself be weak in a very long time."

"That in the damn journal too?"

He shrugs. (Okay, fine, she's staring at him because the only thing keeping her from crying is how pretty his face is. Questionable coping mechs are still _existent_ coping mechs.) "It is, but I would've seen it anyways."

"You care too much about me."

"Not possible."

"Do you think you would've if you hadn't had a map? If you hadn't known this was gonna happen, if you hadn't-"

"I _didn't_ know!" Fire, good. She can deal with that. "The details are vague. Unimportant to the actual purpose. A few things, yes, but nothing that prepared me for the actual reality of falling in love with you!"

How the hell she's supposed to reply to that, she has no idea.

She knew, she supposes, that his heart was drifting in that general direction. The actual use of those words seems sudden, but the emotions beneath them do not. There has been something blossoming here for months now, something more than verbal sparring and physical collision, and she supposes she ought to just shut up and accept it because there's no going back from it now.

"You love me?" she repeats, making sure she heard right.

"I love you."

So many emotions rush through her. The darkness is still there, still sinking its claws into any part of her soul it can reach, but at the same time Lucy feels almost lightheaded. Of all the things that could've come of this interaction, an outright confession of feelings was not something she expected. Yet here they are, and she feels unsteady and too warm and probably still some kind of sick and-

"Still with me?"

Oh, it's been a hell of a year and a half and she is still in shock that this man is so capable of kindness. All the times she called him a monster, she never considered a reality where she might be the darker one, yet here they are and she is adrift.

"Yeah. I just… I wasn't expecting that."

"You don't have to do anything about it. We can stay where we are. Probably better that way for now, I don't think anyone else would take it well."

"Probably not."

She reaches out and takes his hand, and that's enough physical contact for now. Every part of her wants to clear the distance and curl up around him as innocent and catlike as she can, but now is not the time and she's pretty sure that any further touch would make her permanently short-circuit. This here is enough for her to process.

"I love you," he breathes, bringing her hand to his lips and kissing it, and it's cliché enough to make her smile and for a moment she feels okay.

She's still going to need to fight this inner battle on her own, and she does need to accept her mistakes, but she's got a hell of a support system.

"I can't say it back yet."

"You don't need to."


End file.
